The Adventures of Neo FOXHOUND
by PhoenixAS Comics
Summary: From lounging around and getting high to infiltrating tankers and killing evil clones, then saving the world from Metal Gear CAT. The zany, random adventures of Snake and friends continues. In the upcoming sequel!
1. The Legacy Begins

Disclaimer:  
Ryan: We own nothing here but us, right Mike?  
Mike: (shakes head) To publish this, we had to sell certain rights.  
Ryan: Do we still own us..?  
Mike: Konami does.  
Ryan: Son of a B***********H!!  
Mike: The h**l?  
Ryan: o-0  
Mike:(in tears) There is no God!!  
  
Some Screwy Metal Gear Fic   
Chapter 1: The Legacy Begins  
  
Mike's house  
  
Mike&Ryan are playing 2 PlayStation 2's each.  
  
Mikey: Mike-man, you remember what your dad said about fusing the evils of Playstation games?  
Mike:(playing Metal Gear: Substance and Metal Gear Solid)Right, kill Jack to reverse the fox-die program.  
Ryan:(playing VR Missions and Sons of Liberty)  
Mikey: Are you two even listening to me?  
Ryan: Then complete all VR missions to unlock infinite ammo wig.  
Mikey: The h**l!?  
Mike: Then kill Solidus to discover the true origins of exoskeletons.  
Mikey:(on the verge of tears) I HATE ALL OF YOU!  
Mike:(actually listening) There's only two of us...  
Ryan:(finishing Mike's sentence) dumb-ass.  
Mikey: Screw you guys, I'm going home.(opens the door, only to find a swirling red vortex) guys, I think you pissed someone off.  
A silence passes  
Mike: Satan again?  
Mikey: Probably.  
Ryan:(looks over) It's just a swirling red vortex.  
Mike:(still fixated on the two screens) From Diablo II?  
Ryan: Yup.  
Mike: Yeah, its Satan again.  
S.R.V.: I am not Satan.  
Mikey: Wow, the dark lord sounds like a chick!  
S.R.V.: I am not the DEVIL!!  
Mike: But you're a little b***h.  
S.R.V.: I am NOT!  
Ryan: But you are a piece of s**t.  
Mike: D**n right.  
Mikey: Yep.   
A demonic roar silences   
S.R.V.: Good, now that I have your attention-  
Ryan: We have detention?!  
S.R.V.: No, I want you to listen to me!  
Mike: My dad broke his knee?!  
S.R.V.: You're doing this on purpose!  
Mikey: There's no purpose to our miserable lives?!  
Mike: Weak.  
Ryan: Real weak.  
Mikey: Go to Hell!  
S.R.V.: The Hell with it!(a large vacuum pokes out of the vortex and sucks in Mikey and Ryan)  
Mike: Ah well.  
S.R.V.:(pokes out another one)  
Mike:(not effected) (Sing song voice) Not effected!  
S.R.V.:(gets pissed and uses another one)  
The PS2's are suddenly sucked into the S.R.V.  
Mike:(sounding more hurt then Snake when Fox is killed) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!  
He makes a dramatic dive into the vortex, but gets stuck half way in.  
S.R.V.: This is just B.S.  
The Vortex forces itself so hard it turns blue, green, white, black an plad. Finally he is devoured.  
S.P.V.:(lets a HUGE one rip from pushing so hard) Poopy...   
The house then collapses  
  
Author's note: Yes, the damn vortex farted. The fart destroyed the house.   
Oh, we cried in the disclaimer 'cuz we got edited. 


	2. FOXHOUND Reborne

Disclaimer: Still own jack. I don't mean jack as in Raiden, I mean it as in jack-s**t!  
  
Quote of the chapter: I miss my mullet  
  
Chapter 2: FOX-HOUND Reborn!  
  
Some Street in Alaska  
  
  
A large red vortex opens, three ragged journeymen stumble through, along with four Play station 2's. These clearly combat scarred warriors rise from the snow, indignant and proud.  
  
Mike: (Reads the narrator's paragraph) The H**L!? I ain't scarred, a warrior, pissed or proud!! I'm a freaking obese 15 year old nerd with a bad complexion and a mullet!  
Ryan:(coughs to grab Mike's attention, then glances nervously at his hair)  
Mike:(realization dawns on him) C**P! I forgot I got it cut!!  
Narrator: Pussy.  
Mike: Come again?  
Narrator: You heard me!  
Mike: Care to prove your mettle in combat?  
Narrator:(reveals himself to be Liquid Snake) So you are a warrior after all.  
Mikey: We don't want any trouble Mike!  
Mike&Liquid: Go to H**l!  
Mikey: Okay!(leaves to find a gateway to Hell)  
Mike: Have at you, Liquid!  
Liquid: That's my line!  
Mike: Win it back!  
Ryan: SWEEET! (grabs an IMMENSE bag of popcorn and waits for his turn)  
  
A violent battle ensues, Liquid throwing a hard right, easily dodged by Mike, who launches himself at Liquid elbow first. It connect with an audible "crack" , the victims head snaps back, leaving a trail of crimson mist in it's wake. Mike gives him a moment to recover, a challenging grin plastered on his rough features. Liquid needs no more time then that given to him and redoubles his offensive, two quick unsuccessful jabs, followed by a masterfully executed roundhouse kick, effectively removing Mike from his feet.  
  
The youth rises slowly, never breaking eye contact with Liquid, who allows him to do so. His intentions are clearly to taunt him. Mike decides to take the offensive an fire a barrage of jabs, all of which connect with his well built torso. The larger man attempts to fall back, but Mike who would not allow this, nabs his wrist and pulls him towards himself. Liquid attempts to retaliate with a vicious hook, only to strike but air, the boy had ducked beneath his fist and brutally drives his knee into him, causing his foe to double over in agony and follows through with brutally precise and malice filled elbow strike, containing the totality of his strength to the base of Liquid's skull.   
  
His foe, obviously, drops like a stone.  
  
Ryan: No s**t Sherlock!  
Mike: Hey! It ain't easy to Narrate and fight!  
Ryan: Why don't I?  
Mike: Sounds like a plan! Now, where was I?  
Ryan: Ugh, 'bout to kick him in the ribs?  
Mike: Excellent plan of action my dear friend!!  
Liquid:(in obvious pain) Are you mocking me?  
  
Mike only response was a brutal to his ribs, his steel toe boot shattering several of them. The middle aged man rolls onto his back and coughs blood onto both his face and throat.  
  
Mike: Damn! You're freaking awesome!  
Ryan: (chuckles evilly) Damn strait!!  
  
Liquid Snake, despite all odds, rises from the ground.  
  
Liquid: HA! You can only kill me by knocking me off of Metal Gear REX!  
Mike: Shit!  
Ryan: As the author I have only one thing to say. METAL GEAR REX APPEAR!  
  
Somehow, the to nemeses are standing upon a destroyed Metal Gear REX!  
  
Liquid:(deadpan) Crap.  
Mike:(ducks below camera angle and pops up directly in front of Liquid) (in a high pitched voice) BOO!  
Liquid: AAAHH!( Jumps back in surprise, right off of REX)  
Mike: I suggest you look down.  
Ryan: Yup.  
Liquid:(looks down and sees that he is defying gravity and starts to sob, right before he drops like a stone) SNAAKE!!  
Mike:(pissed) I AIN'T SNAKE!  
  
They are suddenly back on solid ground. Snowy, yes, but solid none the less.  
  
Voice: Got some moves there, kid.  
  
They wheel on their heels, and are confronted by the legendary Solid Snake!!  
  
Mike: Holy creation of God, all knowing father! Great cosmos of infinite bounds!  
Ryan: Holy shit!  
Snake: Good vocabulary kid.  
Mike: Damn right!  
Ryan: Are you asian/british or british/asian.  
Snake: I prefer to think of myself as Brasian.  
Mike: Sweet!  
Snake: Anyway, I came with a job offer.  
Ryan: Sweet!  
Snake: How 'bout joining Philanthropy?  
Mike: Is that a non lucrative organization?  
Snake: Yeah.  
Ryan: Screw that! We got a better plan.  
Snake: Like what?  
Mike: Push for the recreation of unit FOX-HOUND.  
Snake: I like.  
Ryan: Then to President Bush we go!  
  
The scene is suddenly President Bush's office.  
  
Snake: What the Hell!?  
Bush: How did you get past security?  
Mike: To answer both questions: Fanfic author powers!  
Bush: (Terrified) No...No!!  
Snake: Holy shit! No wonder you kicked Liquid's ass!  
Ryan: Shut up Snake. (To Bush) To avoid paranormal shit raining on your head, concede to our demand.  
Bush:(wondering if he can actually make it happen) Which is..?  
Mike: The full rebirth of unit FOX-HOUND.  
Bush: Deal!  
  
Out of nowhere, Gray Fox, free of his exoskeleton, leaps into the small team.  
  
Fox: FOX-HOUND is reborn!  
Ryan:(surprised) FOX-HOUND is reborn?  
Fox: (completely surprised) FOX-HOUND is reborne?!  
Both:(ecstatic) SWEET!  
Mike: (to Snake) Face vault?  
Snake:(nods)  
Both:(anime face vault)  
Bush: Screw this, I'm outta here.(leaves)  
  
Soon, composure is returned.  
  
Fox: Snake, we both have mullets!  
Mike: We all have mullets!  
  
The group cheers enthusiastically, then break into small coughs and laugh nervously.  
  
Mike:(it finally dawns on him) Crap! I miss my mullet!!(breaks into tears)  
  
  
Author's notes: We later recovered the PS2's and moved into the new command station.(an abandoned warehouse) We decided not to edit out the 'light' curses. No I could not take Liquid on my own. Fox's resurrection is completely fictional, we just love the man. I LOOOVE fight scenes, upcoming ones will be far more graphic. Will change rating if need be.  
Screw X-Box!! Screw Flanders!! Screw Jack!! Oh, this time I do mean Raiden.   
  
Closing remarks: Our first fic, so cut us some slack. Overall, this chapter is better than the first one. Send suggestions. 


	3. Recruit Hunting and saving Mikey

Disclaimer: Ryan: We own nothing in this fic.  
Mike: I own Fox!  
Suddenly, a group of Konami lawyer's rush in, shoot Mike with an M9 and drag him away.  
Ryan: We own nothing.( Picks up Desert Eagle) Now if you don't mind, I gotta save Mike!  
  
Quote of the chapter: I miss my exoskeleton!!  
  
Chapter 3: Recruit hunting, saving Mikey from the void.  
  
  
FOX-HOUND HQ   
  
Mike, Ryan, Otacon and (unfortunately) Raiden are watching Gundam Wing.  
  
Raiden: I love Sailor Moon.  
Mike: For the last freakin' time, we are NOT watching those Sailor s**t's!! It's freakin' Gundam freaking Wing!!!!  
Ryan: Anyone so much as mention Sailor Moon one more time in this freaking fic, I will personally shove their own head so far up their own f*****g ass, they'll have to wear themselves as a hat!!!!  
Raiden: I like the blue haired one!  
Mike: That's it!! I'll f'ing kill you!! (starts to beat him over the head with the fridge)  
Ryan: Piece of S**T!! (picks up a La-Z-Boy and starts to lay into him)  
  
The door to the basement opens and Snake walk's in.  
  
Snake:(realizing what's happening) Hey, I want some! (Runs up to Raiden and starts to kick him) Dumbass!!   
Otacon: (finally takes off his ear set and notices what's going on) STOP IT!!!!!!   
  
Everything grinds to a halt  
  
Raiden: (coughing blood) My whole body has a boo-boo.  
Fox: (calmly striding down the stairs) That is the one stupidest thing I have ever heard! And I worked with FOX-HOUND!  
Snake: We still do, genius.  
Fox: First off; I forgot, and second: my IQ is 250.  
Mike: (to Snake) Whereas yours is only 160.  
Snake: Shut up and sit down before my U.S.P. does the talking.  
Mike: (sits down so fast he trip's over Raiden and flips over the couch.)  
Ryan: Real smooth there, dipshit.  
  
Mike's hand rises over the side of the couch and drops all fingers save one.  
  
Fox: Guys, reason I came down was 'cuz Charlie called told us to find some recruits.  
Mike: Charlie? (Realization dawns on him) Look up!  
  
They all do, and see the category turning to crossovers.  
  
All: NOOOOO!!  
  
In despair, Snake fires off a whole clip of U.S.P. rounds into the air. As if tauntingly, the word crossovers slowly shatters and rains down.  
  
Mike: (avoiding glass shards) The things we do for a good fic...  
Fox: Did I say Charlie? I meant Campbell.  
Ryan: You FRAKIN' IDIOT!!  
Fox: Whoops..? (nervous laughter)  
Snake: Idiot.  
Fox: Ah come on!! It was an honest mistake!  
Otacon: No more Lucy Lu for you!  
Fox: NNOOOOOOO!!!!!!!  
Raiden:(laying on the gound bleeding, impaled by a few shards of glass) Little help..?  
Ryan: Oh crap...  
  
The group split into two, Mike and Snake went to the hospital with Raiden.  
Ryan, Fox and Otacon went on a hunt for recruits.  
  
In the hospital  
  
Snake: You okay kid?  
Raiden: The doctors said my guts are linguini.  
Mike: (turns green) Oh my God...  
Snake:(sees Mike) You okay?  
Mike:(nods weakly)   
Snake: Go get some fresh air, kid.  
Mike: (softly) Okay....(leaves)  
Raiden: Hey, I'm the sick one!  
Snake: Go to Hell kid!  
Raiden: Damn! Almost got some sympathy...  
  
Out in the hall  
  
Mike: Heh heh, worked like a charm! Now I gotta get me something to make Fox add me to his list of friends! (starts to think) Eureka!!  
Random Doctor: Can I help you?  
Mike: (whips out his M9) Freeze!  
Random Doctor: (throws up his hands)(with a Russian accent) Don't shoot!!  
Mike: (aims for his crotch)   
Random Doctor: (shakes and drops 'Lab Key')  
Mike: Thanks for you trouble.(shoots him)  
Random Doctor: (grabs his crotch)( really high pitched voice) Poopy...(passes out)  
Mike:(picks up the key) Heh...  
  
Back in the room  
  
Raiden: And when I turned 6 my daddy-  
Snake: Screw this!(leaves and starts to look around) What the hell is a daemo-veterinary section? (starts to walk down the hall, passing the three Prime Evils)  
Diablo: Help us please!!  
Mephisto: We'll let you molest Baal!  
Baal: Yeah!! Wait!! No! Don't molest Baal!  
Snake: Too freaky...(passes by FatMan)  
FatMan: I will be the most famous of them all!!  
Snake: Too fat...(passes by Chi-Chi)  
Chi-Chi: When I find you Son Goku, your ass is grass!  
Snake: Too bitchy...(comes to a stop beside the cage of...Mikey!)  
Mikey: Spirits have told me to kill!  
Snake: (mumbling) I like...  
Mikey:(suddenly paranoid) WHAT?! WHERE?! WHOOO?!  
Snake: (criticizing) Always alert...  
Jailer: Shut up or I'll give you the hose!  
Mikey: Water is not my friend!!!  
Snake: How much for him?  
Jailer: $15.  
  
Some random lab in the hospital  
  
Mike: Sweet!!(Around him is 150L of morphine) The boys are gonna have a field day!!!(starts to collect it into his item window)  
  
The scene changes to Ryan, Fox and Otacon in some random street. Not the one we landed in.  
  
Ryan: How are we supposed to recruit people when it's top-secret?  
Fox: (Gets an idea) WHO WANTS TO JOIN AN ORGANIZATION CALLED FOX-HOUND?!!  
Ryan&Otacon : YOU IDIOT !!!  
Some Guy:(pulse paper out of his pocket and reads it out loud) I fully support said group and/or organization.  
Fox,Ryan,& Otacon: Sweet!( starts to celebrate ) we got a member.  
Ryan: By the way, what is you're name any ways?  
?:(pules another paper from his pocket ) Paper reading Jack@$$.  
Ryan: How about I just call you Papes?  
Papes: ( gives thumbs up and pules a paper out again ) I got a hard on.  
Fox: ( shudders) Indeed you do my friend. Indeed you do.  
  
All at once, the group returns home   
  
Snake: Look who I found! (points to Mikey)  
Ryan&Mike: Mikey!  
Mikey: MEAT!!  
Mike: Oh my God, he's been possessed!  
Ryan: Cool!  
Fox: Hey! We got someone too!(points to Papes)  
Papes:(pulls out a paper and reads it) I masturbate to men and women.  
Raiden:(in a wheel chair) Me too!  
Otacon: Way too much info!  
Raiden: Bite me!  
Fox: You'd like that!  
Ryan:(to Papes) Stay the Hell away from him, you might catch rabies!  
Snake: I think that's drool.  
Raiden: (staring at Mikey and drooling)  
Mikey: (points to Raiden) I will destroy you with the power of my mind alone!!  
Raiden: I'm outta here!(starts leaving)  
Mikey: Damn you alchemist! I have not come so far only to have my quarry escape!  
Mike: Holy! He's got two in there!  
Ryan: Lucky bastard!  
Mike: On lighter note, I managed to steal 150L of Morphine!  
Everyone: HELL YEAH!  
Snake: Let's call down Mei-Ling!  
Fox: And Naomi!  
Otacon: And E.E.  
Papes:(Does his job) Hell yeah!  
  
1 Hour Later   
The group is sitting around a table, stoned  
  
Snake: This is sweet!  
Otacon:(camera turns to him)My face is numb, and I'm not cold!  
Naomi:(then to her) If I knew how sweet this was, I wouldn't of told Snake to stop smoking!  
Fox:(he's next) I'm smoking, and my cigarette's backwards! Oh wait, no it isn't! This shit kick's exoskeleton ass! (silent) I miss my exoskeleton!!  
Mike:(now him) I miss my mullet!  
Papes:(camera turns to him, he start to reach into his pocket, then the camera whip's to Ryan)  
Papes' voice: Hey!  
Ryan:(passes out onto Naomi's jugs, wakes up, and notices Fox's death glare, only inches from his face and laughs nervously) Naomi didn't mind!  
Naomi: (snoring)   
Ryan: Crap!  
Fox: Teach you to touch my sister when she's passed out!  
Ryan: But she isn't you real sister!  
Fox:(turns to Snake) You son of a bitch!  
Snake: I didn't say shit!  
Fox: I'll whup you both!(he grabs them both by the neck and does a triple headbutt)  
  
As if one, the three drop like stones straight onto their asses.  
  
E.E.: I'm not so think as you stoned I am!!(passes out)  
Mei-Ling: Walls are for pissing on!(passes out)  
Otacon: 2+2=87!!!(passes out)  
Mikey: Drugs are my friends!(passes out)  
Papes: (about to take a paper out, but just drops and starts snoring)  
Mike: When in Rome.(grabs a lamp and smashes it over his head)(he doesn't stay conscious)  
  
TO BE CON-FREAKIN-TINUED!  
  
Author's notes: Actually got around to some humor. Papes is completely fictional, and serves as Ryan's buddy, as well as comic relief. We got Mikey possessed as to not mistake him for Mike.  
  
Closing remarks: We enjoyed this one more than the first two. Longest too. Send suggestions and reviews. And we will not pair guys off with each other! Reviews will be rewarded with special thanks!! 


	4. Taking Code Names, Taking lives

Disclaimer: We own shit all.  
Ryan: ( running to get Mike back ) I hope I'm not too late.  
Mike: ( mad like hell ) If you don't take your hands off my d**k I will kick your @$$!  
Ryan: DIE YOU MUTHA F***AS!!!!!(starts wasting 'em, blowing off the top half of lawyer's heads and putting holes through their torsos)  
Mike: (picks up an M93R) Teach you to grope my crotch!  
  
Together the two mercilessly mow down the poorly armed and trained forces with lethal precision, Ryan tearing limbs and crushing skulls with dual D.E.A.E. (Desert Eagle Action Express) while Mike punctured vital arteries with cold indifference. Their foes massacred, the two turned and began their journey home.  
  
Their silence is short lived, as they are confronted by an armed force. "Did you really expect to survive, claiming ownership of a man who is clearly the property of Konami?" the head of the mercenary corps inquired. His response was a brisk chuckle, the two, seemingly unaware of the danger, exchanged items. Mike was given a key chain, a symbol sewn into it, and a stealth module was given to Ryan.  
  
In a single cold movement, Ryan drew a Japanese katana from it's sheath, his eagles already discarded. Mike merely threw the key chain over his head and tucked it into his shirt. Without another word spoken, the battle began.  
  
Ryan immediately activated the stealth and launched himself into their ranks, katana flashing he hewed limbs and split sternums. His foes fell by the throng, those still living screaming in agony, before the end. The corps began to fire immediately, their guns pouring out hot rounds, none of which found their marks. The youth's small handgun continually sprayed an endless supply of full metal jacketed rounds, and a large serrated combat knife tearing out throats, abdomens and arteries. The ghost like Ryan sped between rounds and showed no mercy. He dashed past a man, whom simply stood numbly, a look of shock on his face, moments before every main artery on his body split open, spraying his precious lifeblood onto all before him. Many men fell before his eyes, all of them, save one youth and a ghost. The youth walked before him, heedless of the spray of blood, and put a slug through his skull, as he had with so many of his comrades...  
  
Slowly the youth turned 360degrees and made one remark.  
  
Mike: This disclaimer was SWEET!!!!  
  
Chapter 4  
  
Taking Code Names, Taking Lives  
  
Quote of the chapter: I'd talk about her hot ass, but she can hear everything I say!  
  
FOX-HOUND HQ  
  
The sun was high in the sky, and FOX-HOUND was high off it's ass!  
  
Naomi: AAAAHHH!!!  
Mike: (snapping awake, with a BIG and I mean HUGE head age) What the Hell is going on?!  
Naomi: Ryan's head is on my tits!  
Fox: You see, she does mind.   
Ryan:(still groggy) Go to Hell Fox, my head still aches.  
Snake: Clearly not from sleeping habits.  
Ryan: I thought they were pillows! They're so big and soft!  
Naomi: (bitch slaps Ryan and walks out)  
Fox: Moron! (Does a punch-punch-kick combo)  
Mike: Who the Hell do you think he is, Raiden? On a separate note, why the Hell are Hal&Emma on my bed?  
Snake: In the same bed?! (rushes over and checks it out)  
Mike: First your mom-  
Ryan:(finishing Mike's sentence) -then your sister?!  
Fox: You sick bastard! I would never touch Naomi like that!!  
Otacon: It's not what you think!  
E.E.: Yeah, he only stuck it up the butt!  
Snake: That's disgusting! How can you live with yourself, you lucky bastard!!  
Papes:(making his way downstairs, while reading his paper) I think she's the lucky one!  
Mike: You sick son of a b***h!  
Naomi: (runs downstairs) Quiet, Mikey and Mei-Ling are still asleep!  
Fox:(smiles) I got a plan!!  
  
20minutes later  
  
Mei-Ling:(wakes up): What the Hell? Why am I naked, and cuffed to...MIKEY!!!!!  
Mikey: (wakes up) WOAH! (smiles)Give into it!  
Mei-Ling: Don't you mean get onto it?  
Mikey: Leaving me to my own devices... how trusting of you.  
Mei-Ling: HEEELLP!!!  
  
Downstairs  
  
Everyone: (laughing off their asses)  
Mike: Fox, you da man!!  
Ryan: You cuffed them at the hands and the feet!!  
Snake: I wonder how long before she kills him?  
Fox: $500 says 5min!  
Naomi: Deal!  
Mei-Ling:(running downstairs, still cuffed to Mikey) Get him OFF!!!  
Naomi: Alright.  
Fox: Why the Hell are you going to detach them?!  
Naomi: I get $500!  
Fox: DAMN!!  
Snake: Loser.  
Fox: Go to Hell.  
Mike: Hey! (grabs their attention) Me, Ryan, Papes and Mikey need code names! I'm freaking annoyed by you guys having cool names!  
Mikey:(free and dressed) Of course...  
Ryan: Solid Cobra!  
Snake: Sweet name!  
Mike: Gray Gecko!  
Fox: Nice name, but wouldn't Gray Pig be better?  
Mike: Fick off!  
Papes:(pulls out a paper) I find this action unnecessary.  
Mikey: Solitary Tyrant.  
Gecko: Then it is done.  
Cobra: I feel so much cooler.  
Tyrant: Alas, poor Nupraptor, I knew him well. Well not really...  
Gecko:(to Tyrant) You're a Goddamn psycho.  
Mei-Ling: I'll record your mission data!  
Fox: No shit.  
  
Suddenly the uni-codec beeps  
  
Everyone:(drops onto their knee's)  
Mike: This is Gecko.  
Mikey: Tyrant here.  
Ryan: Cobra.  
Snake: Snake here, whaddya want?  
Fox: WASSUP!!!  
Bush: Terrorists have taken over the inter-dimensional portal 43675321!  
Gecko: Which is..?  
Bush: Evil Clone Land!  
Cobra: Ah crud!  
Snake: Get us a chopper and we're there!  
Bush: I was gonna send you a couple mach3 fighters, but a plan is a plan!  
Everyone: (gives Snake a death glare)  
Snake:(ducks his head in shame)  
  
123min later  
  
Gecko: We'll split into groups. Me W/Snake, Cobra W/Fox and Tyrant W/Papes.  
Snake: Deal.  
  
Gecko and Snake slink off into the shadows, sneaking deeper into the base. They soon discover soldiers patrolling the grounds. French soldiers.  
  
Soldier1: Le boss says dat a bunch of Americans weel try to stop our operation.  
2: It does not matteur, zey shall fall before our might!  
  
Gecko, making no more noise than a cat treading carefully, sneaks up behind #1 and grabs him, then throws him into #2. Snake dives out of the shadows and holds them up.  
  
Snake: Freeze!  
#1: Do not shoot!   
Gecko:(searches him and finds a couple of card-1s) Score!  
Snake: Can I shoot him?  
#2's Radio: Why do you not answer? We shall send a search party!  
Gecko: I have a plan.(he proceeds to knock the out and set a few Claymores)  
Snake: Let's go!(they run off)  
  
A bunch of guards run in and set them off  
  
Guard:(laying on the ground) Oh no, my interns are more choppy dan Scottish pasta!  
Gecko:(runs up to Soldier1) I, AM, CANADIAN!  
Snake: Good for you fatty.  
Gecko: Ah, come on!(codec goes off) Gecko.  
Mei-Ling: I didn't know you're Canadian.  
Gecko: How did you hear me?   
Mei-Ling: I hear everything you say.  
Gecko:(think's of all the time he spent talking macho into the mirror and turns red)  
Mei-Ling: Don't worry, you're 'secret identity' is safe with me 'Mr. Iron Butt'.  
Gecko: Shit...  
  
Meanwhile Cobra and Fox are still sneaking around  
  
Cobra:( dashes up behind a guard cuts his head off ) ( starts to giggle ) He'll never be head of a major organization.  
Fox: (sarcastically) Hahahaha you're so damn funny.  
Cobra:( all excited ) You know my mom always said I had a sense of humor!  
Fox:(face vaults).  
Naomi: (over the codec) Guys, the hospital called, they told me to pick up my bitch.  
Cobra: Must mean Raiden. Tell them he'll suck 'em off for a buck.  
Fox: No shit.  
Voice: Keep diggin.  
Voice2: Real smart.  
Voice: Shut up.  
Fox: That sounds just like...  
Cobra: Us?  
Evil Fox:(is in his exoskeleton) Time to die.  
Evil Cobra: Bitch.  
Fox: You one dead mofo!  
E.Fox: Catch me!(leaps up onto another floor)  
Fox: (chases him) I'm gonna slice yo ass!  
E.Cobra: That leaves us.  
Cobra: I'm gonna bitch slap your goatee off.   
E.Cobra: Bring it on!(swings at Ryan)  
Cobra: Ha!(deflects it and kick him in the nuts)  
E.Cobra: Ouchie!(blocks another one, then gets sliced)  
Cobra: Hyawaha!!(slices twice more then kicks him in the nuts again and pokes him in the eyes)  
E.Cobra: Holy Mac you're good!  
Cobra: Yup! (slices off his balls)  
E.Cobra: Freaking hurty!(explodes)  
Cobra: (covered in guts) That was totally fucked up!  
  
Up a floor  
  
Fox: *I'm getting my ass kicked!* (blocks a few swings)  
E.Fox: You cannot defeat me.  
Fox: Oh Yeah? (pulls out a water bottle)  
E.Fox: Oh shit!  
Fox: Die! (squirts him)  
E.Fox: No!(does the macarena, spins three times, clucks like a chicken and scratches his head.)  
Fox: Well?  
Narrator: Huh? Oh yeah!  
E.Fox: (explodes)  
Fox: I got a lot of guts. At least its more embarrassing then getting crushed.  
  
Meanwhile  
  
Tyrant: You missed it! We already killed the clones!  
Papes: (pulls paper out) They stole our fight!  
Narrator: Eh, no one likes you any ways.  
Tyrant: Hey!  
  
Meanwhile  
  
Gecko: Die you mullet owning clone!  
E.Gecko: You can't beat me.  
Gecko: Oh yeah? (pulls out a pair of scissors)  
E.Gecko: Shit! (starts to run)  
Gecko: (catches him by the mullet and cuts it off)  
E.Gecko: It cannot be!(explodes)  
Gecko: (looks around to make sure no one is around, picks the liver up an takes a bite) Ooh, juicy!  
Snake: I want my freaking bandana back!  
E.Snake: Take it! (turns and runs)  
Snake: (steps on his bandana, puling it off)  
E.Snake: (turns, sheds a single tear and explodes)  
Snake: Now that's Metal Gear!  
  
Gecko: ( covered in blood & guts ) So Cobra how was your fight.  
Cobra: I beat my twin by cutting his balls off. And you?  
Gecko: I cut his freaking mullet off.  
Fox: (to Snake) how about you?  
Snake: Well, I pulled off his bandana. And you?  
Fox: At first I was getting my @$$ kicked, then I squirted him with a bottle of water.  
Tyrant: well, I-  
Snake: Shut up!   
Papes:(starts to pull out a peace of paper but then changes his mind)  
  
Suddenly a door they thought was a wall opens.  
  
Fox: Ain't that inviting.  
Gecko: (getting annoyed) Shut up, Fox.  
Tyrant: Yeah and take off those guts well you're at it!  
Gecko:( looks around) Hey where's Cobra?  
  
Everyone looks into the doorway and spot Cobra playing with sword as he walks down the hallway and accidently slices his fingers off.  
  
Cobra: FRAK!!(uses a ration and grows his fingers back. Woo-hoo)   
  
Everyone: Wait up!!! (they all catch up with Cobra)  
Gecko:(shudders) This place give me the creeps.  
Cobra: Gecko, your face gives me the creeps ( shudders ).  
Snake: (pissed off) Shut the Hell up!  
Cobra: Bring it on Snake!  
Tyrant:( feeling confident ) I can take you all on!  
Everyone: Shut the Hell up, Mikey!  
Tyrant:( disappointed voice ) Ok.  
  
They approach a door and it automatically opens, they walk in and Gecko notices a figure from his past.  
  
Gecko: Tiggs!  
  
Sure enough, sat upon a throne, is his cat Tigger!  
  
Gecko: (notices the cat's goatee) No...NNOOOO!!!  
E.Tiggs: Meow meow meow meow!(subtitles read:'welcome to your dooms, pathetic mortals')  
Fox: A cat with a goatee? Now that's freaky!  
Cobra: Not as freaky as Gecko's face.  
Fox: No, but freaky nonetheless!  
Snake: Damn right!  
Tyrant: Yeah!  
Snake: Shut up!  
Tyrant: (starts to tear up)  
E.Tiggs: (Tears off Papes head)  
Cobra: PAPES!!  
Gecko: Tiggs, I will not give up!(kicks the cat through the window) Hey, that was easy! (looks at Papes) That guy must've been really fruity if she killed him!  
  
The sound of engines drown them out. A large jumbo jet rises from the chasm.  
  
E.Tiggs: Meow!(die)  
Cobra: Vengeance! (spears Papes' head with his katana and flicks it at the jet)  
Papes's Head: POOPY!! (slams into the jet and causes it to explode)  
  
From the smoke comes a Harrier2, piloted by Evil Tiggs  
  
E.Tiggs:(opens fire)  
Fox: Ha! (Tries to deflect the shots, but busts his sword in half) (incredibly high pitched voice) WAAAH!!  
E.Tiggs: Meow meow meow meow meow!(I shall return! Meow meow meow!)  
  
Everyone: Hell yeah!  
Fox: Let's get drunk!  
Everyone: Hell yeah!  
  
Random bar  
  
Mike: I mean huge! They're like bigger than her head.  
Fox: You keep talking about my sister's tits, I'm gonna shove what's left of my sword up your ass!  
Mikey: I'm not so think as you drunk I am!(passes out)  
Snake: Fruit.  
Ryan: How 'bout that Ling chick?   
Mike: I'd talk about her hot ass, but she can hear everything I say!  
Fox: Yeah, chicks with hot asses can do that!  
Snake: I know! Once on Shadow Moses she said if I was her boyfriend she would monitor me 24/7!  
Ryan: Freaky!  
Mike: Not as freaky as my face!  
Fox: Amen to that.  
Snake: How 'bout we all pass out?  
Everyone: Hell yeah! (Pass out)  
  
The next morning, back in HQ  
  
Naomi: WAKE UP, WE HAVE A JOB OFFER!  
Mike:(wakes up)I'll get it. (walks upsatirs mumbling)  
Naomi: He's at the front desk.  
Mike: We have a front desk?!  
Naomi: Just do it.  
Mike:(sighs) Fine, I'll do it!  
  
A the front desk is none other than Liquid Snake, sure he doodled on his face to make it look like he had a mustache, but it was obviously Liquid.  
  
Mike: Survived the fall, eh?  
Liquid: How'd you recognise me?!  
Mike: 1st, the dogtags.  
Liquid: Ah.  
Mike: 2nd, that marker is a dead give away.  
Liquid: HA! It's pen, not marker!  
Mike: Great.  
Liquid: Can I join?  
Mike: Do you have any experiance?  
Liquid: I headed the Shadow Moses revolution.  
Mike: Oh yeah... Hang on I'll ask. HEY SNAKE, CAN LIQUID JOIN?!  
Snake: Fat chance!  
Mike: What did he say?  
Liquid: He said damn strait.  
Mike: Welcome abord!(shakes his hand)  
Liquid: Sucker..!  
Mike: What didja say?  
Liquid: Nothing.  
  
Author's note: Not much to say. Long live massacres! Screw X-Box!  
  
Closing remarks: Killed off a friend, got some code names. This was fun to wright, but I got writer's block halfway through, so the middle sucks. Next chapter will have Snake smoking.  
Send reviews, suggestions and enjoy. P.S. We listen to korn while we write.   
SCREW X-BOX!!  
  
Thank you Stefanie! Liquid is in!  
  
Next Episode:  
Snake Boarding! A.K.A. The Return of the Cat 


	5. Snake Boarding

Disclaimer: We own nothing but a pair of socks and a picture of us.  
Mike:(reads the disclaimer) This disclaimer was crap!  
  
Chapter 5: Snake Boarding! A.K.A. The Return of the Cat  
  
Quote of the Chapter: You ma bitch now! HAHAHAHA!  
  
FOX-HOUND HQ  
  
Snake: (pissed) You did WHAT!?  
Mike: (wincing) I let Liquid into FOX-HOUND!  
Raiden: (in a wheel chair) Liquid, where?  
Ryan: Right in front of you.  
Raiden: Behind the guy with the mustache?  
Fox: He is the guy with the mustache!  
Liquid: HA! Someone did fall for it!  
Mikey: Liquid?  
Liquid: Yeah?  
Mikey: Will you be my friend?  
Liquid: Sorry, don't make friends with fruit cakes.  
Mikey: Hey!  
Fox: (singing) You don't make friends with fruit cakes, you don't make friends with fruit cakes!  
Everyone: You don't make friends with fruit cakes!  
Mikey: HEY!!  
Raiden: I stick fruit cakes in my mouth!  
Otacon: Good for you.  
Emma: I don't like fruit cakes, they taste funny!  
All the Guys: (think the same thing and shudder)  
Liquid: Why's the shemale in a wheel chair?  
Raiden: My guts are liguini!  
Naomi: That's disgusting!  
Mike: (to Liquid) Ryan'll give you the tour.  
Ryan: Sounds good.  
Liquid: Alright.  
  
Later, in the basement Snake, Fox and Mike are lounging on the couch  
  
Mike: (holding the cards he found in the last chapter) What good are these?  
Snake: (smoking a whole pack at once) (shrugs)  
Fox: How 'bout handing over those cards?  
Mike: Here. (hands them to him)  
Fox: (reads them) You FRAKIN' idiot!  
Mike: What?  
Snake: (still smoking)  
Fox: These are ticket to a boarding competition!  
Mike: So?  
Fox: The prize money for first place is $150!  
Mike: That's more than FOX-HOUND's collective annual paycheck!  
Snake: (finished the pack) I could by a whole lot of smokes with that!  
Mike: We gotta submit someone!  
Fox: They're being held in 12 days! GROUP MEETING!!!  
  
Moments later  
  
Ryan: Sweet!! We're saved!  
Mei-Ling: How does that save us?  
Ryan: Look, I'm trying to make it seem dramatic!  
Liquid: This is greed, we're not trying to help anyone!  
Snake: Amen to that!  
Fox: Look, we gotta submit someone!  
Mike: I already said that!  
Snake:(has another pack in his mouth)  
Naomi: I say Liquid!  
Liquid: You make me do that and I'll run around in a thong for a week!  
Raiden: Go Liquid! Run free and show that @$$!  
Ryan: (knocks him out) Shut up linguini gut!  
Mike: (turns green) Shut up!  
Emma: How about Snake?  
Snake: (smoking a whole pack so he can't talk, instead he panics)  
Otacon: Look, you can take it like a man or stare at you brother's @$$ for a week!  
Mikey: Yeah, shake that @SS!  
Mike: (punches him out) Retard!  
Ryan: Don't worry Snake! I'll teach you how!  
Snake: (so exasperated that the pack fall's out of his mouth and lands on his crotch. Needless to say it catches fire) AAAHHH!! PUT IT OUT!  
  
Sometime that week  
  
Mike and Liquid are lounging in the basement  
  
Liquid: Man I'm bored!  
Mike: Let's do something!  
Liquid: Alright... Hey, bet'cha $5 you can't eat that clay on the table.  
Mike: You're on!(proceed's to eat it)  
Liquid: Damn! (forks it over)  
Mike: Ha! By the way, what would you have done if I hadn't recognized you?  
Liquid: I would have stripped down to a thong and ran through the house. Look, (pulls a poster out of his back pocket) I even sketched it! (reveals it to show a picture of him spanking his ass in nothing but a pink thong and a pair of black socks taped to the poster and a bunch of stick figures with the word 'losers' above them doodled on)  
Mike: Arg! (flips over the back of the couch)  
Liquid: It ain't that bad of an angle!  
Snake: (done practice for the day, so he walks downstairs) What the Hell happened to the C4 I left on the table?  
Mike: (eyes go wide) That was C4?  
Snake: Yeah!  
Mike: I ate it for 5 bucks!  
Snake: YOU ATE 150lbs. OF C4?!  
Mike: YES!!   
  
Everyone runs downstairs  
  
Fox: You did what?!  
Mike: (stomach starts to rumble)  
Ryan: (super slow-mo) RUUUUN!!!  
  
Everyone rushes out in slow motion  
  
Mikey: (walks in) Huh? What's goi-  
  
KA-BOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!  
  
A mushroom cloud in the shape of an ass, and a freaking huge crater is what's left of the the HQ  
  
Ryan: (coughs out smoke, while holding the last of the house, the doorknob. He is on the very edge of the crater) Damn that smells bad!  
Fox: Are you okay?!  
Ryan: (dazed) House went boom! Brain went splat!  
E.E.: Oh my God!  
Ryan: (snaps out of it) Wa!  
Snake: My smokes!  
Otacon: Your smokes?! What about Mike!  
Naomi: And Mikey!  
Liquid: (finds his poster) Look what I saved!  
Snake: (sees it) My eyes! (falls into the crater)  
Liquid: (hears something above him) The Hell? (A large object lands on him and gets up)  
Mike: (completely fine) Hey guys!  
Naomi: You're alive!  
Mei-Ling: Alright!  
E.E: Cool!  
Otacon: But how..?  
Ryan: Sweet!  
Fox: That was cool!  
Raiden: You're not even covered in soot!  
Liquid: (in a small crater) Joy..!  
Snake: (now recovered) Heh, the queer's dead!  
Mike: Oh yeah! I saved these! (hands Snake a pack of smokes)  
Snake: Score! (tears of the front&back of the package and lights them all up!) Thanks! (starts smoking)  
Mei-Ling: But now are we going to live?  
Fox: We can rent a place, then buy one if we get the prize money!  
Liquid: (now on his feet) Hell yeah!  
  
The big day  
  
You know where  
  
Snake: (looking around) Lot'a contestants!  
Ryan: Hey, check out the red-head!  
Mike: That's Meryl you retard!  
Snake: Holy c**p!  
Fox: And I thought she was stacked in the video game!  
Naomi: Frankie!  
Fox: Sorry, can't help it!  
Mei-Ling: Lemme guess, it's 'in the genes'?  
Naomi: Fick off.  
Meryl: (walked over while they argued) Hey Snake, Otacon! It's been years, how are you and who are your friends?  
Snake: Life's been fine. Saved the world again!  
Meryl: I heard.  
Otacon: Despite the constipation, I'm fine.  
Meryl: (grossed out) Lovely.  
Mike: Michael J. Meechan, friend of Snake's and a member of FOX-HOUND.  
Meryl: FOX-HOUND?!  
Snake: Don't worry, we're all FOX-HOUND.  
Meryl: Cool.  
Fox: I am like him, (points to Snake) I have no name.  
Snake: Dude, (lights up a cig) my name's David.  
Fox: Oh... In that case, my name is both Frank Jaeger and Gray Fox.  
Ryan: First you say you don't have a name, then you have two... I'm Ryan.  
Mei-Ling: My name's Mei-Ling, and I'll save you're mission data!  
Naomi: I'm doctor Naomi Hunter, and if you like to smoke, start smoking!  
Meryl: Real good advice, doctor.  
Snake: And we left Jack at home.  
  
At home  
  
Raiden: Man, I'm bored!(hears a noise) What the hell was that?  
He follows the noise to it's source.  
Raiden: What's that?!  
Object on table: (swivels around and reveals itself as...) Hello.  
Raiden: Oh my God, Papes' HEAD!!!!  
Papes: Yup!  
Raiden: AAAAAAAAAAAA-  
Papes: You ma bitch now! HAHAHAHA!  
Raiden: (still screaming) AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!  
  
Back at the competition  
  
Snake: (to Meryl) -wasn't even looking! Then I shot his balls right off!  
Meryl: Cool!  
Fox: Sick freak.  
Naomi: (to Fox) Like you never did!  
Fox: I have morals!  
Mike: Like what? If it has jugs, don't shoot it?  
Otacon: Low.  
Emma: You think that's low? I didn't get to introduce myself!  
Author's note: Go to hell, Emma!  
  
Suddenly, Ryan rushes in  
  
Ryan: Dudes!  
Snake: Screw off.  
Fox: What?  
Mei-Ling: Anything good?  
Ryan: Someone called Darth Cat entered!  
Snake: So?  
Mike: Tiggs...  
Fox: Ah Hell...  
Meryl: This is a bad thing?  
Liquid: (shows up with pop&popcorn) How come?  
Meryl: Ah! (whips out he Eagle) Freeze!  
Liquid: (drops the items)(seriously high pitched voice) AAAAAAAHH!  
Fox: ARG! My ears!  
Snake: He's cool.  
Meryl: Huh?  
Otacon: He's with us.  
Liquid: Yeah!  
Meryl: You let HIM join?!  
Mike: Wasn't smart, but then again they let me in!  
Snake: True.  
Fox: Man that was dumb!  
Snake: Not as bad as when I let Mikey in!  
Meryl: Mikey?  
Naomi: Don't ask.   
  
FOX-HOUND is then confronted by a diminutive form  
  
E.Tiggs: (on two legs and in Darth Vader's outfit)(real deep voice) Meow, meow meow(deep breath) meow. (So, we meet again)  
Mike: (forlorn) Tiggs...  
Snake: Still alive?  
Liquid: Holy Mac!  
Meryl: Weird!  
Fox: HAHAHAHAH!!! You're like Cat Vader!  
Naomi: Woah!  
Mei-Ling: I won't save your mission data.  
Otacon: Cool!  
Emma: Freaky!   
Ryan: Papes killin SOB!  
E.Tiggs: Meow, meow meow meow! (So, you expect to win?)  
Naomi: Snake'll kick your @$$!  
Mike: And you'll be left in the dust!  
E.Tiggs: Meow meow? (That so?)  
Ryan: Hell yeah!  
Snake: I'll whup ya!  
E.Tiggs: Meow meow meow. (We shall see)  
Otacon: You can do it Snake!  
Snake: Who dares, wins.  
Meryl: What does that mean?  
Snake: Dunno, just sounds cool.  
Ryan: Semper fi.  
Snake: (pulls out a cigaret and lights his match on Ryan's head) Don't go stealing my lines!  
Ryan: Ow, man! That freakin burnt!  
Fox: No shit Sherlock!  
Emma: You go Snake!  
Mike: Try not to treat him like Mikey, 'kay?  
Snake: I'll try, but no promises.  
Meryl: (kinda pissed) Who's Mikey?  
Mei-Ling: Dead friend.  
Meryl: Ah...  
Otacon: He was possessed, so none of us liked him.  
Naomi: True.  
Mike: I liked him just fine.  
Liquid: I loved the way he bit Ryan!  
Ryan: (remembering to tour) My @$$ hurt for an hour.  
Mei-Ling: They shackled us together butt-naked!  
Meryl: Ew!  
E.Tiggs: Meow meow meow meow! (Hey. I'm still here!)  
Emma: That's nice. What did you think of Mikey?  
E.Tiggs: Meow meow meow meow meow! (he killed his clone by biting his nads!)  
Fox: HAHAHAHA! I knew he was gay!  
Snake: (to Mike) Loser!  
Mike: I said he was my friend, not straight!  
  
Loud Voice: The competition will start in 10min  
  
Snake: Let's do it!  
Everyone: Hell yeah!  
E.Tiggs: Meow meow... (oh please)  
  
15min later it's a one on one 'tween Tiggs and Snake  
  
Fox: You can do it!  
  
Snake pulls off a 180  
  
Mike: Hell yeah!  
  
Tiggs pulls off a 270  
  
Naomi: No!  
  
Snake pulls off a 360  
  
Ryan: You da man!  
  
Tiggs jumps off a ramp, pulls off a 360, lands on a pipe and does a grind  
  
Liquid: Gotta help him! (Runs up to them, drops his coat and runs around spanking his @$$ in nothing but boots and a pink thong) Kiss this!  
E.Tiggs: MEOW! (ARG) (loses control and flies right up Mikes @$$)  
Mike: Frig!!! (stomach starts to rumble) SHE'S GONNA BLOW!!  
E.Tiggs: (tail, still out, starts to spin like a chopper blade)  
All FOX-HOUND-Snake: (screams and ducks)  
  
Snake, blinded by Liquid, does a 36000 and lands on a pipe, grinds down it and does a back flip off of it, then lands back on it. Mike's @$$ then fires Tiggs out like a rocket.  
  
E.Tiggs: (breaking a sound barrier) MMEEOWW!! (AAAAHHHH) (flies out into the horizon)  
  
Liquid: (being chased by security) Give me a smooch right on the rose tatoo!  
Snake: (now orientated) I'm gonna have that image in my head for weeks!  
Mike: (running around with his butt on fire in the background) HELP! PUT IT OUT!!  
Naomi: Snake, that was awesome!  
Emma: You kicked @$$!  
Fox: I haven't seen moves like that since Zanzibar!  
Ryan: You kick more butt than a Japanese gamer on very easy mode!  
Mei-Ling: You spun more times than Fox when I flashed him!  
Otacon: That was cooler than when you ran all the way up the communication tower!  
Mike: (now put out) Or down it!  
  
Liquid is caught and dragged away in the background  
  
Random judge: Congratulations Solid Snake, you won $150!  
FOX-HOUND: Hell yeah!!!  
  
After buying a new HQ,(an old cigaret factory) and bailing out Liquid for public indecency and trying to tear out the judge's eyes, we spent the remaining $75 on 150 pounds of white powder, went home and got fried like Snake's eggs.  
  
Fox: Man, Liquid, your @$$ is like, so freaking round!  
Liquid: (giggling) I know!  
Mike: (eyes half shut) This rocks!  
Raiden: (with Papes' head on his lap) Giving a head a lap dance sucks!  
Papes' Head: Heeheeheeheehee!  
Ryan: Papes can talk without a paper, so how 'bout we call him 'No Papes'?  
Naomi: How about we get Snake to kill him?  
Emma: Yeah!  
Otacon: Split his skull Snake!  
Snake: Sweet! (blows his, well, him open)  
Ryan: No Papes! Ah well.  
Raiden: Ew, I got brains on my crotch!  
Meryl: I got brains im my jugs!  
Mike: Probably skulls too!  
Ryan: Cuz their so hard!  
Naomi: Least it ain't me!  
Mei-Ling: Walls are for pissing and taking dumps on! (Passes out)  
Otacon: 2X2= 87+87!! (Russian accent) I am invincible! (Passes out)  
Liquid: (already out cold)  
Ryan: (giggles, pokes him in the butt, and passes out)  
Fox: Hey, man, no touching blond people's merchandise! (Scratches his head, looks around, and passes out)  
Mike: Might as well do it now... (grabs the new lamp, and smashes it over his head) (as before, he doesn't stay conscious)  
Naomi: So that's what happened to the last one, thought Mikey ate it! (passes out)  
Meryl: Hey Snake, I... (passes out onto his crotch)  
Snake: Now that's Metal Gear! (passes out)  
Ryan: Mike man, you're asleep! I can kick your butt at that! (walks off, gets a pillow, comes back and goes to sleep)  
Emma: Pillows are soft! (passes out)  
Raiden: Like Liquid's butt! (passes out)  
AUTHOR'S NOTES: This chapter wads dedicated to Stefanie, the first to give me a review. Raiden bashing shall continue. Screw X-Box!  
  
Closing remarks: Love this chapter, real fun to wright. If you noticed a lack of Ryan, It's because I did this chapter solo. If you want more scenes like last chapter's disclaimer, just ask. Please review.  
Thanks James! Everyone who reads, please send suggstions, I'm a bleedin' idiot! 


	6. Just Messing around, the tradgedy

Disclaimer: Just in case you haven't figured it out, nothing so much as mentioned in this fic that belongs to any organization ain't mine!!  
Mike: Man, these disclaimers keep getting worse.  
Ryan: What sucks is that we won't be in this chapter.  
Mike: Really?  
Ryan: To an extent.  
Mike: Well that freakin' blows!  
  
Chapter SIX: Just Messing Around  
  
Quote of the chapter: Nah. He's a big boy, besides, there's still plenty of playmates for me to deal with.  
  
The new HQ  
  
Emma: (walking into the kitchen and hearing some giggling) What the Hell is that?  
Voice: Emma, I am your step father...  
Emma: What?!  
Voice: You left me to die alone...  
Emma: Daddy, no!  
Liquid: (walks in) What the deuce is going on?  
Emma: (totally freaked out) My dead dad's ghost has come back to haunt me!  
Liquid: (like a little school girl) AAAAAAAAAHHHH!!! (starts to run away screaming 'I want my Big Boss')  
Voice: I will drag you back to hell with me..!  
Emma: (starting to cry) Please daddy, no!  
Papes' Head: (out of nowhere) I'm the only bleedin' corpse that talks in this fic! (bullet comes out of nowhere and puts him to rest for the THIRD TIME!!!)  
Author's Note: And stay dead!  
Voice: Come with meeeee...  
Emma: (totally lost it) NOOO!!  
Voice: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! (drops out of stealth to reveal Snake)  
Fox: (also appears) Man, that was the best!!!!  
Snake: HAHAHAH!  
Naomi: (walks in) What the bloody Hell is going on around here?!  
Emma: Those bastards were walking around in stealth are pretending to be my dead dad's ghost!!  
Fox: Ah come on! It was just for a laugh!  
Snake: Man... the look on your face was better than sex with your mom!  
Fox: According to Otacon.  
Emma: (pissed) What?!  
Snake: We have him on the codec! Huh? (puts his hand up to his ear) Sorry, Otacon says to pretend he had nothing to do with it.  
Naomi: Seriously Frankie! Your IQ is 250! Act like it!  
Frank: We were just having some fun, right man?  
Dave: (Snake's actual name) Yeah!  
Naomi: You guys haven't changed since High School!  
Flashback  
Naomi: (walks past some card board boxes on the way to her locker)   
Boxes: (giggle)  
Naomi: (turns around) Who's there?!  
Box: Naomi..!  
Naomi: (not realizing they're in the boxes) Show yourself!  
Box: I am the one who killed your parents!  
Naomi: What?!  
The boxes are overturned as Frank and Dave roll on the ground, laughing so hard that they have to hold their sides.  
Naomi: You assholes!!  
End Flashback  
Frank: Dave man, were you just thinking what I was thinking?  
Dave: Were you thinking about Mei-Ling in nothing but a thong?  
Frank: Dude! I was!  
Naomi: You two are hopeless! (storms out)  
  
As soon as she leaves, Liquid runs in dressed like a ghost buster  
  
Liquid: Out of my way, brother, I have to save Emma by kicking her ghost dad's ass!  
Emma: My dad isn't a ghost, it was just those two (points to Frank and Dave) walking around in stealth camouflage!  
Frank: Yup.  
Liquid: (like a school girl) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!! (runs away screaming 'I want my Big Boss')  
Hal: (walks in) Hey guys.  
Frank: Hi.  
Dave: Otacon.  
Mei-Ling: (also walks in) It's so much more peaceful without those five.  
Frank: I MISS THOSE TWO SO MUCH!!!  
Dave: I know.  
Flashback  
Snake: YOU ATE 150lbs OF C4?!  
Mike: YES!  
Flashback  
Dave: And the other one.  
Flashback  
E.Ryan: Holy Mac you're good!  
Ryan: I know! (Cuts his balls off)  
Flashback  
Otacon: You know, they were never nice to me.  
Frank: That's because they make you look like puke.  
Emma: Be nice to my brother!  
Dave: We only invited you over to get high, you're lucky we let you stay!  
Otacon: Be nice to my sister!  
Frank: Go screw you're mom, you bloody mama's boy.  
Otacon: (starts to cry and runs away yelling 'I want my mommy!')  
Meryl: (walks in without pants like in MGS1) Hey guys!  
Frank: (jaw drops and so does the cup he's holding) Holy..!  
Dave: (grinning with pride) Still tired out?  
Emma: (gets it) Hey, there are minors here! This shouldn't be allowed!  
Author's note: Emma, you don't complain when you get high so shut up. Besides, I'm 15 and I got a bleeding beard!  
Emma: Thats nice. (mutters) Asshole.  
Author: Come again?  
Emma: Huh?  
Author: I hear everything you say!  
Dave: Just like Mei-Ling hears you?  
Author(Mike): Yup.  
Frank: Freaky!  
Emma: But how?  
Author: Me? I'm the bleeding author! Mei-Ling? She has powers that surpass my own!  
Mei-Ling's Voice On The Wind: Damn Right!  
Meryl: Who the Hell are you talking to?  
Dave: That's not important.  
Meryl: Sorry about your friends going to a rehabilitation center 'cuz they got hooked.  
Frank: Don't worry, the law of Sephiroth0201 fanfics dictate that they'll bust out so we can all get high.  
Dave: Yup.  
Frank: And they'll cause a spontaneous 'Hell yeah!'  
Liquid: (runs in) Hell yeah!  
Dave, Frank, Emma and Meryl: (blank stare)  
Liquid: Bad timing?  
Emma: You could say that.  
  
The uni-codec goes off  
  
Frank, Dave, Liquid: (drop to one knee)  
Snake: Snake here.  
Fox: Wazzup?!  
Liquid: Hello?  
Bush: We have a terrorist situation in the middle of nowhere rehab center.  
Fox: Cobra!  
Snake: Gecko!  
Liquid: Mike and Ryan are there to!  
Fox and Snake: (slap Liquid upside his head)  
Bush: You're orders are to rescue the survivors and put down the terrorists.  
Snake: Copy that.  
Fox: FOX-HOUND out.  
Meryl: Are you guys still burnt out?   
Snake: What?  
Fox: We were on the codec with George Bush.  
Meryl: The pope?!  
Liquid: Yes, the po- what?! THE POPE?! No. The president.  
Meryl: What happened to Clinton?  
Snake: (just shakes his head)  
Fox: I'll get Linguini Guts.  
  
Meanwhile in the Middle of Nowhere Rehabilitation Center a large group of armed men split up and begin to take patrols in the ground floor and basement, the survivors are hiding on the top floor.  
  
Mike: I thought you said we wouldn't be in this one.  
Ryan: Gotta keep the fans guessing.  
Mike: Both of them?  
Ryan: Yup.  
  
The two slowly descend the staircase, attempting to clear a path for the survivors. A single guard, trying to rest, spots them. "I need some help here!" he shouts. The calvary arrives promptly, removing their chances of proceeding. "Remember the disclaimer, don't stop until there's no one left," said Mike while drawing his beretta M92F. "Keep fighting until there all corpses!!  
  
Ryan acknowledged only slightly, drawing his Katana from it's sheath. He was prepared to battle to the death and relished such moments, just as did his counterpart. It was what they lived for. That and getting high.  
  
A nervous terrorist's finger squeezed down on the trigger, each bullet a lead coated carrior of doom. None of them found their marks, hitting only air or the edge of a blade. The battle had begun.  
  
Mike dodged hot rounds while spewing them out, soldiers died in throngs, and yet more came. He picked off a man to his left and did a 180 to riddle another man with holes before seeking cover behind a column. He quickly ejected his empty cartridge before slapping in a new one and once again joining in the fray. Two men fired on him, but dropped like stones as lead tore through their skull as the bearded youth mowed them down without slowing his pace.   
  
Two more emerged from around a corner and attempted to bum rush him, firing blindly. Mike dodge to the left, rolling across the floor, under their deadly spray. He came to his feet and disposed of the two. They apparently couldn't survive with fully jacketed rounds in their hearts.  
  
To his right, a group of men threw fragmentation granades between the two FOX-HOUND members. The taller one sent them to hell with a barrage of 9mm rounds before leaping over the ledge of a staircase. He rose from the dust and surveyed the situation. He was blocked in. At the top of the stairs was a group of rapidly descending foes. Further down was the cafeteria.  
  
He felt his face contort into a grin despite himself. He reloaded his pistol with a single thought in his head. 'Looks like head cheese is on the menu.'  
  
On the floor above Ryan slew his foes with unnatural ease. As an unfortunate man slid off his blade he felt himself worrying about his friend. He had seen him go over the edge, and the gunfire that had broke out caused him to wonder wether or not to aid his friend. 'Nah. He's a big boy, besides...' he looked over to the more heavily armed mercs emerging from down the hall, a few of them descending the stairs. 'There's still plenty of playmates to deal with,' he thought to himself coldly, an equally cold grin spread out on his lips.   
  
He looked into the foremost man's eyes. "Let's have some fun," he said. He thus lifted his weapon to bear, the blade parallel with his shoulders. His enemies were clearly idiots as they attacked despite the ever growing mass of corpses at their feet.  
  
He deflected the rounds that came to him while charging madly. Once in range he cleaved the first man in two, his torso from his right hip to his left shoulder falling away from the rest of him. The next was not as fortunate, as Ryan cut him down with a series of slashes. He fell to his knees screaming, trying vainly to hold his interns within him.  
  
Ryan performed a perfect somersault over the men and cut down a third with two quick slashes, each one cleaving a kidney in two. His allies had already turned and opened fire. The youth didn't even attempt to deflect them, he merely dashed between the three and spun in a complete circle, decapitating two and splitting in twain the skull of the shorter man.  
  
Satisfied with his work, he turned to the stairs, only to find Mike calmly leaned against the wall.  
  
Mike: It's been a long time since I had so much fun.  
Ryan: (grinning from ear to ear) That was sweet.  
  
Mike calmly walks over  
  
Mike: We're trying to secure a route for the survivors, remember? Let's get out of here before anyone else comes.   
Ryan: One more thing.  
Mike: (quirks an eyebrow)  
Ryan: Call me Cobra.  
  
Meanwhile, in a chopper  
  
Raiden: And then daddy told me he killed my parents and we had a duel to the death.  
Meryl: Is there any way to shut him up?!!  
Fox: Here. (to Raiden) Hey Jack-Off, shut up!!  
Raiden: (shut's up, as he is trying to figure out who's Jack-Off)  
Meryl: Finally!!  
Snake: Okay, here's the plan. Run in shooting and don't stop shooting 'till you're dead.  
Fox: That's a terrible plan!!  
Snake: Let's see you make a better one!  
Fox: First we sneak into the building undetected, then we find the remaining survivors and escort them out of the building-  
Liquid: -then have a dramatic scene revealing an old foe and come home with Mike and Ryan-  
Meryl: -and get fried.  
Fox: Exactly.  
Snake: Good plan!  
Pilot: We're here!  
  
Meanwhile, back with the two  
  
Cobra: You done yet?   
Gecko: (in the bathroom) Almost.  
Cobra: Come on, we don't have time for this!  
Gecko: Done! (walks out of the bathroom in a dramatic slow motion entrance)  
Cobra: (mouths out 'oh my God')  
  
That's right, Gecko is clean shaven  
  
Gecko: What'cha think?  
Cobra: Cool!  
Gecko: Come on, I heard a chopper.  
Cobra: Reinforcements?  
Gecko: Probably, but it could be friendly's; so confirm who they are first.  
Cobra: Like I'm that dumb, I ain't Raiden.  
  
The two sneak continue to the main entrance and spot the rest of FOX-HOUND sneaking in, accompanied by Meryl.  
  
Cobra: Hey guys!  
Fox: Ryan!  
Gecko: What am I, dog c**p?!  
Snake: Mike!  
Meryl: Hi guys!  
Liquid: Brothers!  
Snake: Shut up Liquid.  
Raiden: Hey, who's Jack-Off?  
Gecko: Nice to see you to, man. *It's strange without those two*  
Snake: What's the situation?   
Gecko: The survivors are on the top floor.  
Cobra: And about 30 of their's aren't getting up.  
Raiden: Why not?  
Fox: You're work?   
Gecko: Yup.  
Liquid: You three; (gestures to Cobra, Gecko and Meryl) check the basement, we'll get the survivors out.  
Meryl: Sounds good.  
Everyone: Hell yeah!  
  
The three head off  
  
Gecko: Hope the PSG1 I found in the bathroom works.  
Meryl: We probably won't need it.  
Cobra: And besides, the shot'll get a lot of attention.  
Gecko: Good point.  
Meryl: Yeah, only Linguini Guts would do that!  
Gecko: (green face) Shut up!  
Cobra: (just laughs)  
  
A few minutes later the team is reunited in front of an ominous door.  
  
Raiden: What does ominous mean?  
Snake: (shaking his head) Idiot.  
Gecko: There can only be one person through here.  
Cobra: We'll finish the job this time.  
Fox: I hope not, that'll end the fic!  
Gecko: True.  
Meryl: What are you guys talking about.  
Cobra: Who do you think would be in a room entitled: The last part of the mission?  
Meryl: The Taco Bell Chihuahua?  
Raiden: Where gonna see the Taco Bell dog?! (so excited he kicks the door down)  
  
In the room  
  
Gecko: Now wasn't that dramatic?!  
Cobra: Enough sarcasm already.  
Voice: Meow, moew meow meow. (So, we meet again.)  
Fox: No s**t.  
Gecko: You attack a rehab center we attend and you expect us to believe you weren't anticipating us?   
Cobra: What kind of idiot are you?  
E.Tiggs: Meow meow. (Behind you)  
  
The team turns, and stand face to face with Mikey, his soul tainted by the impurity of Hell, his body, broken and crippled, forever sealed in an exo-skeleton.  
Tyrant: You who always hated me shall fall by my hand.  
  
As FOX-HOUND prepares for battle, a single youth steps forward.  
  
Gecko: Mikey, I never hated you.  
Tyrant: Spare me the pleas.  
Gecko: Think back! You know I would never fight you!  
Flashback  
Young Mike: We'll always be best buds!  
Young Mikey: I wish we were brothers.  
Young Mike: We are brothers, on the inside.  
Flashback  
Tyrant: (comes to his senses) Mike..!  
E.Tiggs: Meow! (Enough!) (sets the self-destruct)  
Fox: Let's end this!  
Snake: You die here cat!!  
E.Tiggs: (pulls out a remote and presses the button)  
Tyrant: (chest explodes)  
Gecko: MIKEEYY!!!!!!!! (watches as his best friend from his childhood drops to the ground, dead) (turns to Tiggs) I'll send you back to HELL!!  
Liquid: Why does everyone steal my lines?  
  
Gecko charges Tigger, firing like a madman. The cat defects skillfully with his light saber, but the shattered youth charges right into her, sending them both sprawling. Gecko attacks first and lands a 9mm round into the cat.  
  
E.Tiggs: Meow meow meow meow! (We shall meet again!) (Jumps up twenty stories and flees)  
Gecko: No!  
Cobra: Mike, we have to leave...  
Automated voice: 5min until self-destruct.  
Snake: Let's go!  
Fox: Right behind you!  
Raiden: Is self-destruct a bad thing? (Gets dragged out by Liquid)   
Meryl: Come on you two!  
Cobra: We'll pay her back! (Leaves with the rest of them)  
Gecko: (lingers behind to take one last moment with his best friend) Good-bye.   
  
5min later, FOX-HOUND watches the rehab center burn to the ground.  
  
Snake: Let's go home.  
Meryl: (pat's Mike on the back)  
Cobra: Hey guys...  
Fox: What?  
Cobra: We stole 150 confiscated doobies!  
Everyone(including Mike): Hell yeah!  
  
Back at the HQ  
  
Naomi: Smokes, smokes, the musical fruit, the more you smoke, the more you die! (Passes out)  
Dave: Now that's Metal Gear! (Passes out)  
Otacon: My mom said that 2+2=87! (Passes out)  
Emma: She's my mom! (Passes out)  
Frank: Man, It rocks having you guys back! (Passes out)  
Ryan: We're only gonna get a sentance each? (Passes out)  
Liquid: My REX was called REX! (Passes out)  
Mei-Ling: Well duh! (Passes out)  
Raiden: Who's Jack-Off? (Passes out)  
Mike: (grabs the lamp and smashes it over his head) (he is, once again, unconscious)  
  
THE END  
  
Author's notes: Mikey and Mike have always been best friends, and we always will be.  
  
Closing remarks: Fun to right. Love fight scenes. Review. If you review, send a suggestion and tell me who your favorite new character is.  
Once again, thanks Stef, thanks James.   
Screw X-Box! 


	7. The End

Disclaimer: I, Michael John Meechan own nothing despite myself, anything else that will be mentioned in this fiction belongs to Konami. Kojima-san rules!  
  
Quote of the chapter: And I'll drag you down to Hell with me..!  
  
Chapter 7: The End of it All and The Final Farewells  
  
FOX-HOUND HQ  
  
Snake is lounged out on a couch, watching Gundam Wing. Otacon is on the chair to his right and Fox is hiding in a fort he made out of mattresses. He thinks no one can see him.  
  
Mei-Ling: (walks downstairs) Hey guys.  
  
Snake: Yo.  
  
Otacon: Hello.  
  
Fox: (in stealth) Wazzup?  
  
Mei-Ling: Who the Hell said that? (She check in Fox's fort, but can't see him) Huh, just a fort...   
(starts to walk off, but Fox leaps up and chokes her 'till she passes out)  
  
Fox: Score! (Takes off her top and steals her bra) I'm the man!  
  
Otacon: What the Hell is wrong with you?!  
  
Fox: Wanna see her in nothing but a thong or not?  
  
Snake: Yeah! (pulls a pink thong out from behind the couch)  
  
Otacon: Where the Hell did you get that?!   
  
Snake: Borrowed it from Liquid.  
  
Fox: Eww, I ain't putting it on her. (Moments of silence)  
  
Snake&Fox: Not it.  
  
Otacon" Huh? (hits him) Ah, crap!  
  
Snake: Come on, you always liked her.  
  
Fox: There's nothing wrong with putting a man's thong on a 17 year old's @$$.  
  
Otacon: Then you do it!  
  
Fox: (fast draws a Socom) Put it on, now.   
  
Otacon: Frak. (picks up the thong) Ewwww....  
  
Fox: Heh-heh...  
  
Snake: Loser.  
  
Otacon: (proceeds to undress her, then after 5min worth of the guys drooling, reluctantly put it on her)   
  
Fox: That's the stuff.  
  
Snake: I'm on cloud nine.  
  
Liquid: (magically behind them) That looks even better on her!  
  
Fox: Agreed.  
  
Otacon: I feel so... dirty.  
  
Snake: At least you don't feel impotent.  
  
Undefined amount of time later.  
  
Mei-Ling's: (from crawl space) SSNNAAAAKE!  
  
Snake: Not good!  
  
Fox: BAIL!!!! (activates his stealth)  
  
Snake: Oh yeah! Forgot about that thing! (activates his)  
  
Otacon: No fair! I gave mine to you! Help me!!  
  
Snake: Life's tough, huh?  
  
Fox: Agreed.  
  
Liquid: (hiding under the floor panels) I think you should run.  
  
Otacon: (tries to run away, but Fox trips him) Frak!!  
  
Mei-Ling: (bust's out of the crawl space) Where the Hell is Snake?!  
  
Otacon: (points to Snake) He's there! Don't hurt me!  
  
Liquid: (giggles)  
  
Mei-Ling: (can't see Snake 'cuz of the stealth) You lying frak head! You did it!  
  
Otacon: No I didn't!!!  
  
Mei-Ling: Time to bust you up, nerd boy!  
  
Otacon: FRAK!!!!!!!  
  
10min later, all of FOX-HOUND is gathered in the basement  
  
Ryan: (staring blankly an Mei-Ling, because she hasn't bothered to get dressed)(like a zombie) Uh-huh...  
  
Mei-Ling: And that's why Otacon is going to be in intensive care for the next 6 months.  
  
Mike: (being polite and not staring) That's nice.  
  
Meryl: You do realize your in nothing but Liquid's thong?  
  
Mei-Ling: (looks down) Oh my God!  
  
Liquid: Yeah! Give it back!  
  
Mei-Ling: But-  
  
Snake: You heard the man!  
  
Meryl: Snake!  
  
Snake: Sorry.  
  
Fox: And he blamed it on us?! I'm appalled at his behaviour!  
  
Naomi: Give it up, Four Eyes ain't got the guts to pull a stunt like that!  
  
Mei-Ling: I'm gonna get dressed. (gets up and leaves)  
  
Ryan: NNNNOOOOOOOO!!!!  
  
Meryl: (gets up and b***h slaps him off his feet) Wad!  
  
Mike: (chuckles) Nice show of manliness, ya fem.  
  
Ryan: At least I checked her out!  
  
Mike: Staring for 5min ain't checking her out, it's eye pumping!!  
  
Liquid: (to Ryan) You have no manners!  
  
Mike: You have no balls, ya super fem!  
  
Snake: Damn right! I mean, who the Hell strips their brother down to just pants before a duel to the death?!  
  
Liquid: Frak off!!  
  
Fox: I remember that day...  
  
Flashback  
  
Liquid: (in nothing but his trademark thong) Snake! Did you like my sun glasses?  
  
Snake: God!! (holding his face) My fraking face!  
  
Liquid: And now you die!! (leaps for REX, but it hasn't turned on yet, and he slides back down to the walkway) Ouch... (rises from the ground) I suppose I'll have to stall you with the old, 'no more warrior pride' speech, huh?  
  
Fox: (from the shadows) Screw the speech, find something to wear!  
  
Snake: (still blinded) I'm in pain!! Just kill me!!  
  
Flashback   
  
Liquid: I was demonstrating my confidence in my sexuality.  
  
Ryan: Yeah, homosexuality.  
  
Mike: Burn!  
  
Once again, in the worst of times, President Bush gives a call on the uni-Codec  
  
Gecko: I'm here.  
  
Liquid: For king and country.  
  
Snake: Snake here.  
  
Cobra: Your orders?  
  
Fox: WAZZUP?!  
  
Bush: A terrorist group calling themselves the Cat's Paw has taken a random tanker, and are holding it hostage with a group of trained mercenaries dressed as Storm Troopers.  
  
Gecko: Damn her! I'll avenge Mikey!!  
  
Snake: Sick frakers!  
  
Fox: What are their demands?  
  
Bush: Unless we pay a sum of $500 000 000 000 000, they will use their Storm Troopers and turn this fic into a crossover!  
  
Liquid: My God, these frakers have no mercy!  
  
Gecko: And since Fanfiction doesn't post crossovers... No!  
  
Bush: She will officially wipe you from the site!!  
  
Snake !!" We can't let that happen!  
  
Fox: The fate of this universe depends on us, or all will plunge to chaos and darkness!  
  
Bush: And she already kidnaped several bio-chemists.  
  
Cobra: More clones... this'll be hard.  
  
Snake: And using actual scientist and not just an instant plot device...   
  
Fox: They'll actually be able to fight.  
  
Liquid: Clones?! What the Hell are you guys taking about?  
  
Gecko: Tiggs made lousy clones of us before, this time I even think she'll clone Jack Off and Meryl!   
  
Liquid: And me too...  
  
Bush: A lot is riding on you, don't fail...  
  
In some random tanker, a huge TV screen broadcasted the whole thing to an evil cat and her loyal man made minions.   
  
E.Tiggs: Meow meow meow meow meow. (They're onto us, but they shall fall victim to Metal Gear CAT!)   
  
Directly behind the man made throne, a large metal cat is sitting, covered in rocket launchers and Star Wars laser canons.  
  
E.Gecko: None shall survive our victory.  
  
E.Snake: We gonna smash dem faces.  
  
E.Liquid: YAH, EH?  
  
E.Meryl: I made biscuits!  
  
E.Tiggs: Meow meow meow meow. (My dream shall be fulfilled, all of the meow mix in this universe shall be mine)   
  
Back with Snake and Company  
  
Raiden: So there is no Jack Off?!  
  
Fox: (trying to get him to come) NO! I WAS MAKING FUN OF YOU!!  
  
Raiden: Fun is fun!!  
  
Fox: EITHER COME WITH US OR I'LL TEAR OFF THE ONLY FUN YOUR GONNA USE FOR THE REST OF YOUR MISERABLE, POINTLESS LIFE!!  
  
Meryl: (seductively) If you come, I bake you cookies!  
  
Raiden: Yay, cookies! (jumps in the chopper)  
  
Gecko: (in the front, arguing with the pilot) No! All we need id to get dropped off on the bridge, then we'll bungee down to make it dramatic, you frak hole!  
  
Pilot: Fine!  
  
Cobra: Sweet! (to the others) Mike talked him into letting us bungee off the bridge onto the tanker.  
  
Fox: Alright! We get to pull a Snake!  
  
Raiden: Fun is fun!  
  
Liquid: Do we really need him alive?  
  
Snake: We kill him, and the Patriots waste Olga's kid.  
  
Meryl: Damn.  
  
Finally there, the group dives off the bridge dramatically, the same cool music plays. Except when it comes to Raiden. He forgot to hook the other end of the cord onto the bridge, and plummets straight onto the deck off the ship.  
  
Gecko: Jesus, he's gonna kill himself!  
  
Snake: Hopefully.  
  
Fox: Let's move out!  
  
Liquid: Onward!  
  
Meryl: To battle!  
  
All: Hell yeah!  
  
Cobra: (to Raiden) How did you recover so fast?  
  
Raiden: My guts are linguini, it's a miracle I'm alive anyway.  
  
Cobra: True.  
  
The group makes it to the port side, and are confronted by Evil Liquid.  
  
E.Liquid: (to Liquid) YOU SHALL NOT PASS.  
  
Liquid: I'll deal with this aberration against life, you guys go on ahead.  
  
Gecko: Godspeed, my friend.   
  
Snake: Don't die.  
  
The group continues, leaving the two Liquid Snakes to fight.  
  
Liquid: (happy that he get's to use his own line) Have at you, frak fiend!  
E.Liquid: IT HAS BEGUN.  
  
He rushes his good counterpart, and executes a fierce combo, being blocked or evaded, then is forced back, as Liquid pulls some moves of his own, and takes him from his feet.  
  
Liquid: HA! Not even Mike could dodge that one.  
  
E.Liquid: YOU ARE INDEED WORTHY OF THE NAME LIQUID, BUT YOU ARE FINISHED!   
  
He attempts to prove his words by doing a rushing head butt, but Liquid dodges off to the right and puts his boot into the evil clones face, making him do a complete somersault. He lands on his feet unsteadily, and Liquid sends him over the railing with an in mid air spinning kick.  
  
E.Liquid: MMEEEEEEEE!!!! (Falls to his watery doom)  
  
Liquid: HA! Now if only they had been around to watch it. (chases after them)  
  
With the others  
  
Snake: Man, this blows, not a Storm Trooper in sight.  
  
Gecko: Where's all the killing?  
  
Liquid: (from behind then) Sleeping with the fishes.  
  
Cobra: Liquid!  
  
Fox: You da man!  
  
Voice from above: Now if only I could say the same for you. (Drops down from the ceiling to reveal: Evil Gray Fox!)  
  
Fox: Robo freak. Want a rematch, huh?  
  
E.Fox: That was no true battle! (Draws his katana) Now I shall test you mettle.  
  
Fox: (draws his own katana) How 'bout you taste my steel?  
  
Snake: Kick his @$$.  
  
Meryl: Show that frak who the man is!  
  
Cobra: Win, man.  
Fox: Keep going, I ain't gonna need any help.  
  
E.Fox: (as they are leaving) You speak like a drunken Chinese man who knows too many proverbs for his own good.  
  
Fox: (perfect French accent) En guard!  
  
The two sprint towards each other, blade slashing, hoping to spill the blood of their foe. The evil embodiment slashes high and strikes steel, and the actual man spins and drops to his knees, trying to take his legs off. His enemy leaps over it and brings the blade down, leaving Fox blocking, and forcing himself to his feet and away to dodge the round house. The clone's suit makes him a better fighter, but he refuses to lose, and pushes his assault. He kicks out and forces his twin to flip backwards to dodge, but leaving himself open for a quick thrust, it connects, but only slightly, leaving a small gash and the faintest of blood a flow seeps down his side, infuriating him to no end.  
  
E.Fox: Good moves, but it's time to crank it up. (activates stealth)  
  
Fox deflects a few slashes from his invisible foe, and drops to his knees, bringing his own blade forward. He pierces steel, flesh, sinew, organs and bone. He dashes back, knowing what's to come. His mirror body staggers forward, then screams in agony as his suit flares up, a shockwave flows from his body for and instant, then he falls to his knees, and submits, transfixed by his enemies blade.  
  
Fox: (walks over and pulls out his sword) See you in the frak house. (Cleaves off his head) As Snake would say, now that's Metal Gear!  
  
With the group, they are surrounded by dead Storm Troopers  
  
Gecko: Wussies!  
  
Liquid: Man, they bleed a lot, huh?  
  
Meryl: Talk about it, my tank top is red!  
  
Cobra: (sarcastically) I'm color blind.  
  
Fox: (walking up behind them) Hey guys.  
  
Snake: You won. That was expected.   
  
Gecko: (deadpan) True. And pi is more than just three.  
  
Raiden: I like pies.  
Voice: Me too!  
  
They turn to face Evil Raiden.  
  
Gecko: Where's your katana?  
  
E.Raiden: It was sharp, so I gave it to the ninja.  
  
Raiden: Here, have mine. (Tries to hand it to him, but put's it through his neck) Oops.  
  
Liquid: Good plan, offer a weapon, then kill him with it!  
  
Raiden: What is 'offer'?  
  
Liquid: Or just kill him with dumb luck.  
  
Raiden: I like it when Rose gets me lucky.  
  
Gecko: Same here.  
  
Cobra: She's the best!  
  
Fox: I don't think it can get any better.   
  
Snake: We'll you've never tried Meryl.  
  
Meryl: That was sweet. I think.  
  
The group walks until the engine room. Evil Mike is leaned casually against a wall.  
  
E.Mike: You know the routine.  
  
Mike: Time to have some fun.  
  
Evil Mike rushes Gecko headlong, and is round housed off the walkway into doom.  
  
E.Mike: CRUUUUD..!  
  
Mike: Wuss.  
  
Fox: Man!! Why do you get the easy one!  
  
Gecko: I'm the author.  
  
Voice: Point being?  
  
Snake: Not you again.  
  
E.Snake: Yup.  
  
Snake: (draws USP)  
  
E.Snake: No fair!  
  
Snake: Tough. (Blows his skull open)  
  
E.Meryl: My turn!  
  
Meryl: Okay. (blows her head off with her Desert Eagle)  
  
Cobra: This keeps getting easier.  
  
Gecko: Don't complain, you're last.  
  
E.Cobra: Damn right  
  
Cobra: Crap. (Draws katana)  
  
The two execute raid blows and Ryan back flips over the railing onto another. His clone attempts the same, and only his lower half lands. The top half falls into the unknown, thanks to Ryan's quick slash ability.  
  
Cobra: Damn straight.  
  
Gecko: Only one left, and she has no way out.  
  
The group makes it to the room Scott Dolph gave his speech, and come face to face with Tiggs and her CAT.  
  
Gecko: This ends here!! I'll show you the power you gave me the moment you killed my best friend!!  
  
Cobra: I'll show you just how pissed I am that you killed Papes!!!!  
  
E.Tiggs: (hits a button on her throne)  
  
Automated voice: Warning, self destruct activated, you have 10min to evacuate.  
  
Liquid: Not good!  
  
  
E.Tiggs: Meow meow meow meow meow. (My Metal Gear can handle the explosion and the swim to the harbor. All I have to do is stall you.)  
  
Snake: You think that toy will last?  
  
Gecko: Leave.  
  
Fox: What?!  
  
Cobra: We'll deal with this.  
  
Meryl: Its suicide!  
  
Gecko: Hey, we're the authors, we ain't gonna lose.  
  
Raiden: (quoting Mike) Godspeed.  
  
Liquid: You guys are my best friends, don't die.  
  
Fox: We'll tell the chopper to wait.  
  
Snake: Semper fi.  
  
Meryl: Good luck.  
  
They leave  
  
Mike: Time to pay.  
  
Ryan: We'll double whup ya.  
  
Tiggs: Meow meow meow. (You won't survive)  
  
Ryan: Oh yeah?  
  
Tiggs: (jumps into CAT) MEOW MEOW MEOW!!! (WRITER'S BLOCK ATTACK!!) (Horrible pop music starts to play)  
  
Mike: So, we are going to die here.  
  
Ryan: At least we can stop her.  
  
E.Tiggs: Meow meow meow meow! (I'll send you both to Hell!)  
  
Mike: And I'll drag you to Hell with me..!  
  
Ryan: Time to die like a hero.  
  
CAT turns it's head towards the two and fires two missiles. The boys dodge away and Mike empty's an entire clip into it's head. It isn't seriously injured and fires a volley of its own bullets. Ryan dashes in front of his friend and deflects them as Mike continues to fire. Becoming annoyed, she attempts to crush them. The sprint away and roll away from HEAT rockets. Mike get's desperate and tosses out a couple chaff's. The machine is temporarily stunned. The boys take advantage of the situation, and Ryan boost's Mike all the way up to the monstrosity's head. Mike aims straight down and fires round after round of armor piercing led. The creature roars and staggers, Tiggs having lost control. It collapses at the exit, and turns their escape route to a barricade.  
  
Mike: (wounded) We won...  
  
Ryan: At least the world is safe.  
  
Mike: 'Good bye Snake, Fox, Liquid... and you to... Linguini guts.'  
  
Ryan: Farewell, unit FOX-HOUND.  
  
Metal Gear CAT explodes, killing Tigger and striking them unconscious.  
  
Outside  
  
Liquid: We have to wait for them!  
  
Pilot: If we stay any longer, we'll all die!  
  
Fox: They'll be here!  
  
Meryl: C'mon you two...  
  
Snake: Hurry!  
  
Raiden: Don't die...  
  
An explosion rips the tanker in two, as it self destructs, and sinks before their eyes.  
  
Meryl: Mike... Ryan...  
  
Raiden: No...  
  
Liquid: (to stunned to speak, his eyes widen)  
Fox: Frak No!  
  
Snake: (shocked) No... NNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!  
  
They watch as the burning wreck that their friends died in sinks, along with a good chunk of their hearts.  
  
THE END  
  
Author's Notes: Oh my God, the dream is over. Until the sequel. Review!   
  
SCREW X-BOX! 


	8. Epilogue: The Boys Take On Chores And Go...

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters, groups, etc. in this fic now that I'm dead.  
  
Snake: A ghost is writing this fic?  
  
Yup.  
  
Snake: (eyes go wide) AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!! (runs off yelling I want my Big Boss)  
  
Freak.  
Quote of the chapter: Good-bye, mister Ex President Sears... I mean mister Ex Prsident.  
Epilogue: One big good time  
  
Life has returned to being normal, Emma being kicked out, Otacon's still in the hospital, Mei-Ling got a job on Naked News and Naomi became the Head of FOX-HOUND's medical staff. Like you didn't see that one coming. Raiden is playing Jack Off in the box with Fox. Snake took a bet with Liquid that he wouldn't live 1min.  
  
Fox: (aims at a box) Any one in there? (fires off three rounds of his Socom) Nope.  
  
Raiden: (in a box, giggles)   
  
Fox: (impersonating Liquid) There you are! (empty's the rest of the clip into it)  
  
The box tears open and Raiden is bleeding on the ground.  
  
Raiden: (weakly) Found the Jack Off.   
  
Snake: You know what that means.  
  
Raiden: I go again. (crawls under another box)  
  
Naomi: (comes downstairs) You know, you should really accept that their dead.  
  
Snake: I don't know what you mean. (lights up another cig he painted black)  
  
Fox: We got over that just fine. (he's wearing the t-shirt they got specialized, it has a picture of Mike and Ryan, beside Snake, Fox and Liquid)  
  
Naomi: Sure. At least Liquid isn't moping.  
  
Liquid: (drops coat to reveal black thong) You were saying?  
  
Naomi: Frak! My eyes!  
  
Snake: Put that fraking coat back on!  
  
Fox: Or I'll slice you're mommy-daddy buttons!  
  
Liquid: (puts the coat on) I never had a mommy!  
  
Naomi: Who the frak cares?!  
  
Raiden: My daddy killed my mommy and daddy, then tried to kill me on Federal Hall!  
  
Snake: My dad tried to kill me in Zanzibar.  
  
Raiden: Hee-hee, I love your funny talk!  
  
Liquid: I love your girlfriend!  
  
Raiden: (shocked) So do I! Wanna play the pony game with us?  
  
Liquid: Frak no!  
  
Meryl: (wakes up on the couch) Huh? Liquid's in the pickles again..?  
  
Fox: No... not yet.  
  
Snake: I'd keep my eyes on him though.  
  
Raiden: (still bleeding under his box) That was me.  
  
Meryl: Snake, Fox, do your job.  
  
Fox: (stomps on the box) Dumb-ass!  
  
Snake: (sets it on fire with his cig) Frak ass!  
  
Raiden: I think you overcooked supper.  
  
Meryl: What time is it?  
  
Naomi: 11am.  
  
Raiden: Sorry, I'm overcooked then.  
  
Fox: Put him out! (Starts to kick the box)  
  
Snake: Frak! (starts to kick it too)  
Liquid: (stops them, then sprays Raiden with the Coolant Spray in his face just like mace, because the box is just ash) There.  
  
Raiden: (bruised, bleeding, cracked ribs) Thanks. I can't see.  
  
Fox: Nice one man, he might have burnt to a crisp.  
  
Snake: I'd like to think we made a difference.  
  
Meryl: (sarcastically) Oh yeah, you saved him alright.  
  
Liquid: (perky) We know.  
  
Naomi: You guys don't get out much do you?  
  
Snake: Not since... The Incident! (cue suspenseful music)  
  
Meryl: A dog humped Raiden's leg, so what? You do it to me all the time.  
  
Snake: Ex ne on the leg hump ay!  
  
Fox: The Frak? Is Semper fi the only thing you can say that's even remotely Latin?  
  
Liquid: Vae Victus! (Kain from the Legacy of Kain's battle cry. It means 'suffering to be conquered')  
  
Fox: Real impressive.  
  
Meryl: It beats my abilities!  
  
Naomi: Like you have any other than shooting and humping Snake!  
  
Snake: If you don't like her abilities, get bent.  
  
Meryl: Yeah, frak off!  
  
Fox: I like her idea!  
  
Liquid: You want to frak off?  
  
Fox: No! We should do something!  
  
Raiden: We do lots of stuff. But while you're out, could you by me something for my eyes?  
  
Snake: Fine. Naomi.   
  
Naomi: Yeah?  
  
Snake: Make us a list of things to do.  
  
Naomi: I've always dreamed that this day would come!   
  
Liquid: I salute you two.  
  
Fox: You're coming.  
  
Liquid: Frak.  
  
Some random period of time between then and 2hours.  
  
Liquid: (reading the shopping list) Next item: 'Milk'.  
  
Snake: (dressed in his sneaking suit) All right.  
  
Fox: (in camouflage outfit. Not the stealth module) Gotcha.  
  
Liquid: Look! (points to an old couple walking towards the last bag of milk)  
  
Fox: I'll stop them from moving! (Charges towards them)  
  
Snake: I got it! (Goes for the milk)  
  
Fox: (jumps over the old couple and draws a Socom) Freeze mother frakers!  
  
Old Woman: AAH! (Has a heart attack)  
  
Snake: Got it!   
  
An alarm goes off and the grocery store security goes into alert mode. Snake dives into the freezer and Fox hides behind a large stack of Meow mix. Coincidently Tiggs was the poster cat.  
  
Random Guard: (catches sight of Fox's shadow) Huh? Who's there?  
  
Alpha Guard: All units, return to post's. Sending additional units to patrol the grounds.  
  
Fox: (exhales) That was close! Where the frak is Snake?   
  
He walks over to the freezer and opens it. Snake is frozen solid. He tips slightly, and falls onto the ground below the camera angle. He then pops back up, completely fine.  
Snake: Man that's cold!  
  
Liquid: (walks to them) Next item, the cream cheese.  
  
Fox: Mine. (Stalks off slowly)  
  
Liquid: And the beer.   
  
Snake: I can handle that. (Walks off in the opposite direction of Fox)  
  
Fox sneaks through the isles, being spotted by no one. He comes to a stop when he finds a guard standing... well, guard in front of the cream cheese. Fox pulls out an empty clip and throws it behind him.  
  
Guard: Huh? (Walks over to the clip) Huh? (Stands there like an idiot)  
  
Fox: (sneaks over and grabs the cream cheese, then sprints back to Liquid)  
  
Liquid: Good work. Next item is... the cereal. Two boxes of Count Chocula, and a box of Oreo cereal.  
  
Fox: Easy enough. (Sneaks off again)  
  
Snake swings around the corner and shoots the guard in the neck with the M9. He walks over and claims his prize: Molsen Canadian. How he got it in the States is beyond me.  
  
Snake: You'll help give me some good memories. (Makes his way back to Liquid)  
  
Liquid: And the last item is: Meryl's tampons.  
  
Fox and Snake: Not it.  
  
Liquid: Huh? Damn it all to frak!  
  
Liquid sneaks down the isle's slowly, his M9 trained out in front of him. He makes it without interruption, until-  
  
Mei-Ling: Hi Liquid.  
  
Liquid: (jumps two feet in the air and remembers he's holding the tampons, he turns red) Hi Mei-Ling... Nice to see you again.  
  
Mei-Ling: Have you been watching my show?  
  
Liquid: Fox tapes it every time it's on...  
  
Mei-Ling: What'cha got there? (Spots the tampons) Ooh, you bad boy.  
  
Liquid: It's not what you think!  
  
Mei-Ling: Sure. Tell the guys to drop by sometime.  
  
Liquid: Alright...  
  
Mei-Ling: Bye! (Walks off doing the 'Meryl walk')  
  
Liquid: I'm outta here! (Bolts for the guys, but gets spotted by a CYPHER)  
  
Snake: Liquid, behind you!  
  
Sure enough, a platoon of security guard are chasing him. The trio bolt for the door in slow motion. As soon as they clear the building fifteen feet, Fox hits 'the switch'. Every C4 they placed at strategic points on the building explode. The entire building collapses, killing everyone inside.  
  
Snake: Now that's Metal Gear!  
  
Another undefinable period of time later.  
  
The boys are trying to make soup.  
  
Snake: No! The matches wont do the trick! Fox!  
  
Fox: (holding a blow torch) Ready!  
  
Liquid: Ignite the fraker!  
  
Fox: Here goes..! (spreads flames over the pot) Burn baby!!  
  
Snake: Now for the oregano... (tears it open and dumps the whole package into the 'soup'. It sets ablaze) Liquid, one more time.  
  
Liquid: Take this, you flaming spawn of the soup of Satan! (Empty's a whole Coolant Sprat to get the fire to die down) There! (Tosses the can over his head, it lands on a 5 foot mound of empty Coolant Spray cans)  
  
Fox: Now, for the last ingredient. (He tosses in a few cups of water) Ready!  
  
Liquid: We must divide it evenly!  
Snake: Good call. Fox?  
  
Fox: My pleasure. (He tries to slice it open with his katana, but it snaps in half) Holy frak!  
  
Liquid: Shall I?  
  
Snake: Go for it.  
  
Liquid: Splendid. (He pulls out a chainsaw from midair, and sets to work on the so called soup) Done like dinner!  
  
Fox: It is dinner.  
  
Liquid: It's an expression.  
  
Snake: No, I'm pretty sure it's dinner.  
  
Liquid: You two are hopless!  
  
Fox: No, Raiden's hopless, we're just stubborn.  
  
Liquid: Frakin' right.  
  
Snake: Anyway, time to eat.  
  
Fox: NAOMI!  
  
Snake: MERYL!  
  
Liquid: Supper!  
  
In a few moments all of the inhabitants are staring at the well spiced charcoal.  
  
Fox: What are you waiting for? Dig in!  
  
Naomi: You have got to be joking.  
  
Meryl: I'd rather spend the night at Ocelot's place.  
  
After a few moments, the men give a simultaneous nod and pull out shotguns.  
  
Fox: These aren't ordinary shotguns, these new model 'shitguns' will give you diarrhea so bad you'll envy Jonny Sasaki.   
  
Liquid: At this distance, it may kill even you.  
  
Snake: So shut up and eat.  
  
Meryl: I'm not going to enjoy living here for a while.  
  
Naomi: Should've asked them to feed us rations...  
  
Somewhere else  
  
Romanian voice: Yes sir, they're corpses have been recovered. Operation 'Even Bigger Shell' is in operation. No sir, the cat and the CAT could not be recovered. Tigger's body was reduced to ash, and CAT is no more than a scrap pile. No sir, my cover is intact. No sir, I haven't even talked to them. Thank you sir, and good-bye, mister Ex President Sears... I mean mister Ex President. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!  
  
The end, with a sequel to come. Review and give me a creative name for it. NOW!!  
  
Author's Notes: I wonder who Vamp, I mean that mysterious guy was talking about, and to who? Yes, I actually know, but I'm trying to make it suspenseful! Ah frak it... Good-Bye. For now!  
  
Cast of Characters: (insert ending theme of Metal Gear Solid)  
  
Solid Snake: David Hayter  
  
Gray Fox: George Byrd  
  
Gray Gecko: Michael John Meechan  
  
Solid Cobra: Ryan Derasp  
  
Liquid Snake: James Flinders  
  
Meryl Silverburgh: Mae Zadler  
  
Jack Off: Quinton Flinn  
  
Naomi Hunter: Carren Learning  
  
Mei-Ling: Kim Mai Guest  
  
Tigger: My pet cat Tigger  
  
Otacon: Christopher Randolph  
  
Solitary Tyrant: Michael Paul Podstawka  
  
Papes: Ryan Stiles  
  
Emma Emmerich: Jennifer Hale  
  
President Bush: George Bush  
  
French Soldiers: Michael John Meechan  
Jean Claude Van Dam  
George Byrd  
Greg Eagle (Peter Stillman) 


End file.
